


flux

by TechnicalTragedy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Prose Poem, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 22:07:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnicalTragedy/pseuds/TechnicalTragedy
Summary: you love him; you love him.who is percy without vax?





	

it's the eye of a hurricane, it's the blaze of an inferno. he is right and wrong, he is all and end. the sky churns, the sea swells, the ground quakes. the two of you are a time bomb ticking, ticking, tock. he looks at you like it isn't pretend.

but who is percy without vax? who are you without him?

every day the doves. every day the old story where you meet and fall in love and live happily ever after.

where do you unlearn love? if you rip your still-beating heart from your chest will it feel like a salvation or a condemnation?

his eyes were tortoiseshell if you looked close enough and in the right light. he couldn’t sing, but when he smiled he meant it, wanted you to know that he was happy and wouldn't stop being happy until he was out of joy to give.

you blink your eyes open to streaming sunlight, in from the wrong place. you usually aren’t a half-glass-empty kind of person, but the angle is all wrong: too much around and not enough in. the floor is cold despite the patch of sunlight warming it, hard rock unyielding in all things.

sometimes you want to smash all the mirrors and reimagine the glass house you grew in.

his ghost lurks in all things: the spaces between your fingers, the clothes on your back, your sleep-mussed bed. you stare back at an unblinking man.  
maybe you’ll always just be a scared child, jumping at shadows and hoping against all hope.

your face is thinner than you remember. maybe you’re finally growing up.

do you remember being loved? the doves cooed and the sun was bright and everything was princess perfect in bubblegum pink light. love, and other things, are for people who deserve them. you aren't one of those.

sometimes there’s too much within and not enough without.

the sun is dim, and you were wrong all along. there’s plenty without, there’s plenty of i love you, of i’ll never leave, of saccharine smiles covering up a lungful of acid. there’s never enough inside, never enough to quench the undying thirst of being in the vast desert without a drop to drink.

slake your thirst on his blood, the man in the mirror whispers, all dripping black ink and lemon-sour taste.

when you open your eyes you sit amidst a sea of cracked glass; you open your eyes and see hundreds upon thousands of yourself, all staring at you with the same bright revilement.

he kisses you and you don’t hear the snap of your neck cracking. his touch is a benediction, his lips sugar-sweet, his eyes sparkling in the light.

you don’t know how to love innocently. everything you touch is stained with black ink, you spit acid when you should speak whisper-soft. you aren’t pure. your hands are stained and the moon is your god: you howl with wolves, you flee like a man on the run, you exult in the dying light like it’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

vax loves you, you know. the moon may be the deity you worship but vax is the air you breathe. the moon has your mind but it can never have your heart, for all four chambers are flooded with his light.

you taste blood in your mouth, and vax is bleeding bubblegum pink. i love you, i’ll never leave, he smiles, and it’s cavity sweet.

how could there be you without him?

you love him; you love him. it's the suffering like scraping off your bones, it's like the pain of throwing up blood.

your fingers are crossed.


End file.
